Tuesday, April 13, 2010

It bothered me when..

recently one of my colleagues commented in a gathering that I have stopped laughing(as much as I used to earlier) ever since my daughter was born.

This statement just shook me up. I realized that this was true and it disturbed me even further.

My daughter is the brightest spot in my life’s canvas. Every day she gives me abundant reasons to laugh with joy, to smile, to feel happy and content. Every evening I drive like a maniac(a civil one J) to get to her, to hear her say “Hello mama!” and then take her for a stroll. That’s is the part of the day that I look forward to the most. She’s just two but I cannot imagine life without her and it’s even difficult to remember how it was before she was born.

I just could not deduce the relation between the less laughing bit and her birth. But then some deeper thinking laid the doubts to rest. I asked myself these questions - Is laughing the quotient of level of happiness in one’s life? Or is it the only expression of a happy person?

Granted, my life has become a lot more complicated after being a mother, there are a lot of logistics that need to be taken care of, there is this constant guilt of leaving a little kid outside of my care, there are work pressures and snide comments coming from people who have themselves not been parents or from those who are parents but not the “involved” kinds. But, everything wasn’t really smooth as silk before I became a mom. A totally different set of things stressed me out then. I smile to myself when I think about them. How priorities change with time?! Meeting up with irrelevant people, catching the latest movie, going to Sarojini for shopping, completing a novel every week, etc seem so irrelevant now. I’d be lying if I said that I do not miss them at all, but now that I cannot have then as often as earlier I fail to rue about them.

Maybe with age, responsibilities and shifting priorities one is not able to express their state of mind as they could when they were younger and less responsible for themselves and others. I still love rain as much as I used to when I was a child. Earlier I could celebrate it by dancing in it, now I do it by sitting in my balcony and sipping a hot cup of tea while watching the rain drops rush down. To someone whose known me since my childhood it would seem that rain has become just another change in weather for me. But I know how far from truth that is.

Same emotions. Different Expressions. It’s that simple.

6 comments:

  1. It touched me.. really nice.. But never compress your emotions..share it with any one whom you feel will understand the situation and your feeling. Definitely heal you..

    ReplyDelete
  2. i loved the way u put your emotions in simple words and example.
    So true! priorities change, that dznt mean u dont like doing wot u did sometime ago, its just that one gets occupied with things more relevant to the present time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Laugh you can on many things,
    your joy, others' shame, and the sharp ironies of life,
    Happy you can only be,
    when you give up on the strife...

    Sure you'd not laugh at this, but there'll be a twinkle in your eyes when you see a comment on your post.

    ReplyDelete